a one-man one-night only show

I see a lot of empty seats out there tonight . Likely will for the run of this show. Lucky for maybe you, it is just a one night only event. I will try not to keep you long . Outside food and beverages are welcome as there will be no intermission and no set changes . I want ...no I need your undivided attention for this . It is a one night only event , so I only have this one night to get some things off my chest. If it doesn't have that brit com ribald humour vibe to it or sexual innuendo, people tend to steer clear of it . Unless it has a disclaimer..or that may contain scenes of violence,nudity or sexuality, blared before the show, many don't want to see it . Tonight will have a few what if moments. If you feel like answering, you are more than welcome to stand or remain seated and yell out the answers. There may be hypothetical situations arise. When I put this idea of a one man, one night only show, admittedly hastily together, some hastily decided I would never see it through due to anxiety and depression . "Mental illness " strung on me like a neon light on the Vegas Strip. Maybe one of you in the audience is looking at me thinking , while I do this; " he seems okay! He doesn't seem to mind being around a crowd" It can be a lot about perception . It can be what we see or are bombarded with and believe to be . If, at the beginning of this evening, I told you that I have mental illness or anxiety and depression,what would you think ? Would you think of me differently ? Would the term " mental illness" resonate with you differently than saying anxiety and depression ? What if I said, the person sitting directly next to you was HIV positive ? But, what if I said that lingering cold you have been fighting is more of a risk to that person,than yourself ? What if I told you that when I publicly wrote and spoke about my mental health issues , I had people leave my life . Some used the words " I can't deal with that shit" and others said nothing, either not knowing what to say, or not wanting to say . That is part of stigma. We don't know about something so we tend to fear it . HIV positive holds that stigma too. The sad thing with stigma can be two fold . It can emotionally harm those with HIV . Those not wanting to educate themselves often do not get it , meaning the understanding of things . Some just don't want to get it , again, meaning the understanding . Sadly, it can be those who "just don't get it " who sometimes get it, meaning HIV . Education is a great tool if you use it . It can't sit idly in a brochure with no eyes looking at it or the mind taking it all in . I could could toss numbers out there . Statistics. I don't want to talk about people as a statistic. I don't want to refer to a man,woman or child as 1 of how many or 1 of a certain percent . Because really ..if you don't care about whatever issue it is , more than likely you won't care about statistics . I know many people have their own personal issues in society . If one of you were to tell me a family member or friend had a dread disease and I were to say something along the lines of "I don't give a shit. I don't know that person . It ain't nothing to me" , you would likely think I was an uncaring cold hearted bastard" The thing with HIV is still some don't care . Some still assume it is a gay disease from having unprotected and promiscuous sex . I know people who have had an HIV test turn out negative, yet rather say they tested negative, they say "I am clean" . A person who is HIV positive is not dirty. We must be careful in the words we choose. Words can be weapons or words can provide comfort . ........... Another issue that weighs heavy on my heart is homelessness. I have met some good friends who live on the streets . Sometimes they move from town to town. Some manage to find room in shelters but when the duration of the emergency stay runs out they stay outdoors or move on . Some I didn't know had moved on until I got a message on facebook saying " I am in Calgary " or " i'm in Toronto " While again there are pre-concieved ideas about homeless, they are not true in all cases . Again. I won't throw statistics at you . Some do have mental issues or substance use issues. Some have both . Others, feel it is the only options. Some don't utilize shelters or foodbanks . All do not beg for money . The ones I do know that will use loose change for coffee do . They don't continually ask either. The majority are polite . What I take issue with is some of the shopkeepers who say by conversing with the homeless in front of their shops is only inviting them back . Excuse me . But no overpriced boutique owner is going to tell me who I can talk to. I am often tempted to bring a friend along to that shop or others and see if my money is still good there . My heart goes out to them more in the winter months . While warming stations are available its almost a moot point to me. Most are open set hours . Cold temperatures and driving,blinding snow don't have a timetable. Homelessness is not a simple matter of not having a home. It needs to be looked at as a health issue. While I have no statistics for Canada.. an average of 5% of homeless in America are HIV positive . That number is only known cases . We need to prioritize. Personally , mine is not refurbishing a building that was left to fall away by the city or streamlined busses or trains . ...

Pick Up. A Film by Joshua Alan Rogers

Not all million dollar films turn out to be blockbusters. Some of the most memorable and thought provoking movies are independent films on a shoestring budget , yet pack a punch. "Pick Up" is a short film, written and directed by Joshua Alan Rogers, yet long on emotion. "Pick Up " tells the story of young Jesse, a driver for a car service. A multi-faceted film of coming out, coming of age and acceptance. Romantic and realistic,yet; at times funny,hopeful and heartbreaking. Much like real life . Shot with one camera, Pick Up makes you feel as though you are in the car with Jesse and Guy, witnessing the events, just as the characters do. I was fortunate enough to ask Joshua a few questions . Why do you think the pickup is an important film ? "I think Pick Up is an important film because it has an HIV-positive main character who's portrayed in a realistic, modern, and thoughtful way. He's relatable and likable. He's healthy and looking for love and acceptance just like everyone else. " What is the main point you wish to convey with this film ? "The main point I want to convey with this film is that the stigma towards HIV-positive people today is different from what it was 15 years ago, but is still very prevalent. " Do you believe the stigma associated with HIV has a negative impact on a persons physical well being ? "I believe that the stigma associated with HIV has a negative impact on a person's physical well being. In order for people to stay physically healthy, they must also be mentally healthy, which becomes difficult when living in fear or stress. " What do you hope that the audience takes away from this? "I want the audience to feel empathy and relate to both the HIV-positive character as well as the HIV-negative character. To put themselves in their shoes and feel empathy. To ask themselves how they would tell a partner their status or how they would react if a partner was HIV-positive. This isn't a situation everyone's been in or even seen before. " Is the message the same for gay and straight audience members ? "I think the message for gay and straight audience members is the same. The message of acceptance is universal. " Please share this post as it is a project I truly believe in . Thank you https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/20733870/pick-up-a-short-film

Everett Smith . King of Tap

Dapper dancer Everett Smith could barely sit still at a recent community event . If there was even a slight volume of music, Everett would be tapping his feet or silently snapping his fingers . It was obvious from those moments that Everett was born to dance. From national touring shows; Tap Dogs to stage performances in Grease and Footloose and dancing alongside musical heavy hitters such as Tom Cochrane , Katy Perry and others Everett doesn't seem to miss a step. Often remembered from " So You Think You Can Dance Canada " in 2009 , Everett was the only tap dancer to make the finals . Everett shared the stage with country superstar Terri Clark raising funds for cancer research . I was so lucky to have gotten to interview him just recently.... 1. what styles of dance do you excel at other than tap ? I pride myself in being a very diverse dancer and I credit my broad range of ability to the amazing mentors that I’ve had throughout my upbringing and throughout my years of training. They didn’t train me in just a single genre, they trained me to be an entertainer across all forms of dance. Our dance studio, Bringing Tap Back, is actually expanding starting September 2014! We will be offering ballet, jazz, hip hop, movement and partnering as well as our extensive tap programming. I believe that every tap dancer should be well-rounded and fully-backed and supported with technical training in all genres. 2) at what age did you begin to dance and was it love at first step or did you grow to love it ? I started at the age of 3. My parents threw me into it because I had an abundance of energy! Apparently I wasn’t very keen on dancing for the first couple of weeks as my mother recalls, but ever since I got the hang of it I’ve never looked back! 3) as the uncle of a 13 year old boy who takes jazz,ballet and tap I ask , were you teased or tormented being a boy who danced ? How did you overcome this ? Yes I was teased and tormented, I overcame it by learning to run faster!! With all seriousness, I had great parents who were really supportive and told me to keep my chin up, to always believe in my dreams, to stay positive and that things will always work out in the end, and here we are! 4) Dancing alongside country superstar terri clark must have been thrilling. Which other entertainer would you love to get on stage with and kick up your heels ? I would like to get on stage with an artist like Justin Timberlake. Someone who again, isn’t just a single-genre artist; who can pick up any instrument and play it with ease! 5) speaking of Terri clark..you danced alongside her in "tapville" and raised funds for cancer research. What are some of your favorite charitable causes ? Have you done other charity events ? I co-founded a charitable cause called “two tappers, one cause” with all proceeds going to our local community’s food bank. We’ve had two very successful events with that! As well, I was part of “tapping for toonies”, where we helped Tim Horton’s raise money for Camp Day. I am often a guest speaker at elementary and high schools in the area as a motivational speaker where I talk about bullying and other issues related to my profession as a male dancer. 6) if not dancing , what do you think you would be doing for a living ? It’s a hard question to answer because I’m quite the hobbiest! I’m not really sure to be completely honest, but everything that I seem to be interested in is somewhat related to the arts whether it be painting, drawing, architecture, prop set builds etc. 7) tap seems to be everywhere now. What do you think attributes to its huge poplularity. I think that a new young and aggressive approach of the dance has definitely sparked some interest within our younger community. As a tap community, we continue to pull from and learn from the teachings of our mentors while continuing to form and develop our own voices. As a tap dancer, we’re finding more opportunities through social media and televised programming to share what we love! 8) if given the opportunity to be in any past or present broadway show, which would it be ? I would have loved to be in a broadway show called “Black and Blue” which opened on broadway in 1989 and closed in 1991. The show was choreographed by immaculate tap dancers such as Henry LeTang, Fayard Nicholas and included dancers such as Savion Glover, Jimmy Slide, Lon Chaney, Bunny Briggs and Diane Walker. Many of which I still continue to look up to today. 9) serious final question. Could you teach someone like me , with two left feet to dance ? Anyone can learn how to tap dance. It’s a funny saying “having 2 left feet”. I personally am only equipped with one left foot and still I’m able to create just as much beautiful music as that of my right. Looking forward to working with your two left feet! ........... With every step to the dance floor Everett makes ; comes forth his passion for dance and inspiration for others to do the same. While some think entertainment artists are stars for winning awards and standing ovations ; I believe Everett is a star because he gives back. I had admired Everett as a dancer prior to the interview but after learning more about the man in the tap shoes , I respect him as the giving person I had learned about . For more about Everett .check out http://www.bringingtapback.com Photos Copyright @2014 Laura Domnar

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No tears for my father

No tears for my father
check out my review then read the book

Levi Kreis-Imagine Paradise -The Review

Ok ! So here it is. My review of Levi Kreis' latest cd "Imagine Paradise " folled by a remix cd of "Gonna be Alright "

“Imagine Paradise” Levi Kreis. The Review

If I did not know I was experiencing the musical talents of one man : I would think I was listening to a compilation of great songs by a mix of equally great musicians. Levi has such a wide range of vocal capabilities. Sometimes sounding as if Billie Holliday has somehow taken part of Levi's soul; but it's all his own .

An album driven by heart and soul; Imagine Paradise shines on through.
I would be hard pressed to select one song from the twelve that stand out.
They all stand out on some level and all stand on their own. Any one of them; in my opinion could be the next single.

If you have ever bought a CD and only found one or two to your liking; this is not one of them. I can almost guarantee that you will enjoy them all.

“Imagine Paradise” starts off smooth and sultry with “Timeless (we are)” I could envision myself slow dancing thinking of lasting love. Levi says “Timeless (we are) is the song that is his personal favourite,and I can see why .

“any way you wanna” is more upbeat number about living your life as you want. It is a motivational kick.”

“taking back my boogie” I dare you to stay still listening to this track. A guaranteed toe tapper. It is about having a Mr or Mrs right in life, rather than a Mr or Mrs. Right now.

“all over again”: I found this tear inducing yet tenderly sweet. I found this about falling in love all over again with the one you are with.

“deeper love” is soulful,rhythmic and bluesy, Stands on its own.

“love revolution” feat. Qboy. Levi proves again he is the master of all genres. A love anthem for the ages. Kicks off with a jump start !

“4 letter word” -simply being afraid of love or showing love.

“so much better” a fast paced song. Interpretive. “let it go” go with the feeling or let it go.

“Never will I” . As Levi says “ Love is beyond space and time” Love lives, though partnerships end. Memories often carry us through.

“It ain't Over” with Sam Harris. One of; if not the best duets ever ! Voices perfectly synced ! Gotta love the 70's disco beats .

“what love is” stunning, both lyrically and musically.

“let it go” breaking up and moving on. An evocative song. Speaks to me of faith,hope and strength.

Twelve songs. Think of Levi Kreis' “Imagine Paradise” as a dozen of the finest roses;each unique,yet equally beautiful.

For more information on Levi...www.levikreis.com
For more information on Vision 9 Records .. www.vision9records.com

Available on www.itunes.com or suggest your local music CD store get it !

______________________________________________________________________

I have done a few CD reviews in the past. Most recently Levi Kreis' “Imagine Paradise”
At the same time I had the opportunity to review that one; I was offered to do a review on “gonna be alright-mixes” which is also a Levi Kreis song .

As much as I love both the song and Levi; I had trepidation about reviewing a remix CD.
In most instances;any remix cds I have had come my way to review; I have declined.
I love extended play songs but not at the risk of not knowing who the original singer was, after studio and mixer magic; making some tenors out to have echoed voices likened to Betty boop.

Sometimes remixes com off as rap battles. Who can extend the song the longest with the biggest bass and scratch effects.

Most remix cds have 4 or 5 versions. “gonna be alright -mixes” has 11.
I set me copy aside for a few days while listening to “imagine paradise”: I thought that, out of fairness to Levi and Jared Jones (cd producer) I would give it a listen.

I was pleasantly surprised. Very danceable and enjoyable. Not overly extended and Levi's voice was distinctly his own .

He was not drowned out by dubs and heavy bass or overly used tribal beats .
Jared Jones had won me over.
His own mix “2K13 club mix “ is my favourite. High on dance ability but keeps bass to a minimum.
The only track that did not appeal to me on such high levels as the remaining 10 tracks was the final track; the Matt Moss Dub Mix”
All in all I give this mix CD 10 turntables out of 11.

side note: Levi has put out calls in the recent past for mixed versions of his songs. Winners have had their mixes on a CD with money generated by sales to benefit many HIV and other causes. \
Props to Levi.

Levi Kreis "Imagine Paradise"

How you describe Levi Kreis' style of music may depend on which track you listen to first. Levi may very well be a different breed of musician. He is definitely not a "one trick pony". R and B. Gospel.pop.Soul He has it all covered. If you want ballads that grab you by the heartstrings or pop that will keep you dancing in the club; Levi has it.

Levi Todd Kreis was born November 4 1981 in the town of Oliver Springs Tennessee; not far from Pigeon Forge; home of none other than Miss Dolly Parton. In 2005; Donald Trump's "The Apprentice" put out a call and challenge to write, record, produce and package a cd. 1000's applied but only 4 were chosen to attempt the arduous task. This was a huge break for Levi; as he and his team won the challenge. This was for a special edition of The Apprentice for XM Satellite radio. Levi played the character of "Roger" in the national tour of RENT; south of the border. He also played the character of "Adam Meiks" opposite Matt McConaughey and Bill Paxton in Paxton's directorial debut "Frailty". Though some say this was a minor role; it and Levi had a huge impact on the movie Levi went on to act in the award winning independent film entitled "Don't Let Go "

One of the most exuberant, energetic and highly entertaining characters of Jerry Lee Lewis is bestowed upon Levi. He starred as Jerry Lee Lewis in Broadways "Million Dollar Quartet" winning the esteemed TONY award for best featured actor in a musical. Levi had to step away from the piano as Jerry in 2010 after an injury.

In 2009; I saw him perform at a local festival. He had no swollen ego or false airs about him. There he stood barefoot; standing on the grass; singing his heart and soul out. Hundreds if not thousands around him. Levi has the gift; that when he sings; though you may be just one in the crowd; it feels as though he is singing for and to you. I had been a fan of Levi's before the event and had made a Levi fan t-shirt; hoping to meet him. Only to thank him. But; there I stood; standing beside a tree; my sister urging me to step out of the shadow of the tree and myself; to say hello and give him thanks. Oh. How I wish I had. I also had the extreme pleasure and privilege of reviewing Levi Kreis' newest cd "imagine paradise" as well as the "gonna be alright" remix cd. Thank you to Evan from vision9records.com and Jared from jrd.com for getting me in contact with Levi and for the encouragement that still continues. Extreme thanks to Levi. Thank you for allowing me to get to know you better and letting me let others know of and about you. Thank you for allowing an "amateur" like me to give it a go. I think where "it" went is phenomenal. Thank you for the feedback; not only on this interview and reviews but the other as well. Thank you for reminding me like you did in 2009 that everything's " gonna be alright" I hope to see you soon barefoot-not hiding from behind a tree.

An Interview with Levi Kreis 

Levi Kreis 

1. You have a deep spiritual side. Have you always been spiritual or did an event spark that spirituality and bring it forward ?

I"ve always been a very sincere boy when it comes to spirituality. I could say that it was because I was born into a family that was very sincere about their religion, but I think I would have felt the pull to be a wisdom seeker regardless. It's my personality. I always long to know the underlying truth about things. I'm a natural investigator, and that expresses itself by the need to study different schools of spiritual, religious, and metaphysical thought.

2. Million Dollar Quartet is a huge hit. You were also in Frailty with Matthew McConnaghy . Do you still have the need or desire to do more acting or is music "Priority one"

Absolutely. I've taken the last two years to restructure my music business, learn how to do things smarter, more efficiently,and how to concentrate my investments in areas that reap the greatest financial reward. I'm a one man business, and the goal is to create multiple streams of passive income. If acting were a lesser priority, it would only be because acting jobs are work for hire jobs that force me to depend on an employer. My goal is to build something that financially sustains me the rest of my life. It's simply a numbers game.

3. So many musical "artists" have gimmicks. You don't. You are a true artist. Often "gimmicky" artists make it too top 10. Not going as far as donning metal tatas; if you adopted a gimmick; if only for one show,what would it be ?
Fun question! I would probably make over my entire image to a 70's leather boi, from the wardrobe to those awesome graphics and fonts of the late 70's. (I actually don't know how much of a gimmick that would be though as I think it's just an extension of me...in my fantasy mind. Yeah, I would have to go that route. Or maybe go completely Peter Berlin!

4 . I was lucky enough to see you perform at Tri-Pride in Kitchener Ontario a few years ago. You performed your set barefoot. Are you a true nature boy at heart; loving the simple things in life? If you could afford it; what would be your one "guilty pleasure" be ?

So funny you mention that. I was hope for Knoxville Pride and performed barefoot. I performed at church last Sunday barefoot. I am. There's a pagan/wiccan part of my history that I used to talk about more often. I'm an amalgamation of many things now a days. But yes, there is something so grounding about feeling that ground connection when performing. Simple things bring me great joy. I don' like life getting to complicated or fancy. My one guilty pleasure: hmm. I have a pretty healthy diet - but my guilty pleasure right now is Keebler's "Grasshoppers". Girl Scouts have been hiding the fact that someone makes thin mints just as good as they do.

5, i saw you on Oprah in the audience when Harry Connick was on. Some compare you to him .. (I myself find you better looking). Is he one of your "idols" ?

Thank you! I have looked to him often for the same reasons as I look to my hometown girl Dolly Parton. They seem to have never lost their hometown essence, down-home roots, and genuine rapport with those who support their music. They are truly stand-out examples of fan appreciation! I aspire to have and maintain that level of expressed appreciation and accessibility.

6. Speaking of "idols" or "role models" do you think it is fair of fans to describe an artist as such ?Does this make you feel more of a commodity than a person?

I'm not fond of anything that elevates entertainment to a status above other vocations. First of all, entertainment is such a self consumed business. You wanna talk about heros, there are people out there saving lives every day while I'm consumed with pushing a single to radio. The world has a funny obsession with fame, and artists judge themselves against it and often forget that there are ways of taking what we do and creating a larger give back. I think anyone who takes their gift and uses it to make the world a more loving place - that is a role model! I am committed to doing that the best way I know how.

7. How would you personally describe "hitting the big time" or "stardom" ?

Stardom will always be a moving target that will make a man crazy to chase. It is also an entirely subjective idea. The only thing there is to do in life is to do what makes you feel fulfilled and expressed. Everything else is ego seeking approval from a world who will elevate you one minute and knock you down the next. For an artist to be consumed with stardom, to me is misery and soul-sucking. Living in LA for years, I found "the big time" being my sole obsession to the point of losing my own unique voice. It's a dangerous dance to court the concept.

8. If I had a magic wand and could grant you the wish of performing with any artist; who would it be ? ( this interviewers choice would be for you to do a duet with Dolly Parton )

As the child winner of the "Best Young Talent" award at Dollywood, Yes, I would say Dolly Parton as well.

9. The recent release of your cd " imagine Paradise" has garnered some rave reviews. When recording an album; do you try to "one up" the previous or stick to doing your best at the time.

I really tried to do what made me the happiest musically without giving much consideration to how it would be received or how it would be compared to the previous works. This album was the first time I got to be creative without the weight of worrying about how it would be accepted in the "industry" with radio, etc. It was the most fun I've ever had recording because it's the freest I've ever been when creating.

10. Which song on "imagine paradise" has ;if possible to choose just one, the most meaning to you?

Timeless (We Are). I feel really proud of that song. As a craftsman of songs, I strive to create songs that feel like you have known them forever and sound like they are timeless classics. If I may say so myself, this may be the closest I've ever gotten to creating a classic love song. I'm very proud of it

Dear Ms Dolly Parton

I am hoping on hope that somehow you manage to see this and read it.  I know some people (I know you are a star) but stars are people first have aides or secretaries or fan clubs answer letters.
This is not really a letter. It is just something I wanted to see about doing.

I have recently asked a friend of mine this question.." If I had a magic wand and could grant you the wish of performing with any artist; who would it be ? ( this interviewers choice would be for you to do a duet with Dolly Parton )" My friend replied "As the child winner of the "Best Young Talent" award at Dollywood, Yes, I would say Dolly Parton as well."

I can only imagine his reaction when he was announced as the winner; and at Dollywood of all places.
I have no idea what he looked like as a small child; excited by hearing his name announced. Maybe he was a mop topped freckle faced and bare footed lad; hopping nervous yet excited on winning.

Maybe it was that win that set him on the road to fulfilling other dreams; not only of his; but of others.
I am writing this to you but not just for you Miss Dolly.
I am writing it for anyone who has ever had a dream (no matter how small others may tell us it is or unattainable)
I am writing it for myself as well.
Years ago a small lad won Best Young Talent.
Years later he is creating and making his own music and sharing it.
Years later Miss Dolly you are still kicking butt and still inspiring.

It comes down to dreaming and the going for the dreams. Not letting others stand in your way.
Miss Parton. In a small way-writing this letter to you may have been one of mine. To learn more about a boy who won at Dollywood and finding him quite accidentally on youtube may very well be a dream of mine.

My dream. Was and remains to write.
To write of you and Levi doing a duet one day would be a whoa moment.
Unlike music- none of what I write can be described as a "hit" but writing is what I do. I sleep and dream .

Thank You
Joe Lethbridge

Goodbye My Friend- a retrospect of four years

It was early morning May 30 2009 when I woke up much earlier than usual.  I remember the red l.e.d lights on the clock radio showing 5:47 a.m.  I was restless the night before and don't even recall sleeping.
I had always left the computer on; with speaker volume all the way up.  I kept it on for a few reasons, but primarily for a few of the MSN groups I was a part of or moderated.
I would hear the "ping" of someone messaging me.  These were not chat rooms like some wrongly assume I partook of.  That is another bone of contention with me; being gay men frequently lurk and maneuver about "chat rooms" but that is not a discussion for here.
Though I do not remember sleeping the prior evening; I do not recall hearing any "pings".
If I didn't sleep; why did I not hear them?
I sat on my window sill, which was wide and deep enough to sit and see my computer.
PING
Clear as a bell.
On the screen were several other messages sent to me prior to this latest ping.
Some of you may have heard me talk; some say incessantly about my friend Cody or Cody's Story.
This is about him.
The latest ping was from Cody's brother. Brian.
"Joe. Cody killed himself last night"
It sounded so cold to me the way Brian typed it, but then; how else could he have said it.
It would still be a devastating loss and I know how close Cody and Brian were; especially after Cody came out gay to his parents.  I had a feeling what Cody had already done; even before Brian typed it to me.
Two of the previous messages on my screen were from Cody, sent the night before he killed himself.
"Joe. I know it’s late. My dad is kicking me out for good tonight. My mom’s letting it happen. I have nowhere to go. I guess you’re not home"
I was home.
Why hadn't I heard the pings when the messages came?
Second message from Cody. Sent only 11 minutes later.
"All my stuff is on the street. Dad threw it out. Mom says I can stay just tonight. Why do you have to live so far away? XO.bye"
The word "bye" hit home and that's when I imagine Cody snuck into his mother’s room and took a handful of her pills.
Cody like myself never said "bye"
It was always "cya"

How I felt then; I couldn't even put words too
Now I think it was that I failed him. I felt guilt, remorse, loss, anger, confused, betrayed and as far as thinking I hated him.
I spent the majority of the day in my pajama bottoms; standing in the shower with the hottest water my skin could bear washing over me.
It was then I wrote...
"Sometimes I shower three or four times a day
It's not that I need them, but they wash the tears away
My tears blend with the water so no one sees my pain
If tears come back, I will just shower again"

That poem I did share with you but never said where and when the words and the emotions in those words came to fruition.
That same day I wrote a poem for Cody. Writing it helped me heal and now I think it is about time I share it with you.
I sang it at the time; loudly in the shower; hoping with all hope that I would not hear myself sobbing or realizing I was about to lose it.
If you have not read Cody's Story; please do.
If you have; please read it again.
Homophobia from parents is still a major contributor of youths who are in conflict or questioning their own sexuality.
I also found that with my friendship with Cody; that though it was a friendship at arm’s length-hearts connected can still hurt.
Though he was in the Midwest of America and I living in suburbia Ontario Canada; it didn't soften the blow.
Though I myself never say goodbye I call this poem or song...
Goodbye my friend
Goodbye my friend
Until we meet again
Our paths will cross again
Of that I'm sure
Goodbye my friend; though you're not here
A great friend you were and that is clear
We stayed up late ;had much to say
Until that fateful day.
I miss you.
My heart is sore
I wish I could have helped you more
Goodbye my friend
This is not the end
In Heaven ; I know you'll be at peace
Where pain and hatred cease
Goodbye my friend
I miss my friend
Journey on.

Cody's Story can be read in its entirety here :  http://joelethbridge.blogspot.ca/2010/01/codys-story.html

 unfortunately I am unable to post the audio here. Once I post it to facebook I will provide the link.

Thank you to an author

Dear Mr. Wilson
I am sure you are receiving emails fast and furiously in praise and much appreciation for "redefining success-still making mistakes, and rightfully so. I read the book in one sitting last night.
This email may very well be lost in the shuffle but I wanted to thank you. I am a writer so likely this will be lengthy.
I eyed the book at our public library and honestly thought "great another get rich quick scheme" but then I came to my own conclusion. You and Arlene Dickinson seem to be the most grounded on dragons den. That and the fact; bubbles from trailer park boys gave it a review.
Though I am not financially successful.
I had worked at an internationally known not for profit from 2003 to April 2009 when it was decided the location I managed in Cambridge Ontario was no longer profitable.
I started as a volunteer and was manager by 2007.
Losing my job was one thing; but to see my employees; but more important to me; seeing volunteers I trained and mentored gone. These volunteers had emotional, educational and physical barriers. My location mentored them when other places would not.
Some returned to their homes and cloistered once again playing video games for extended periods of time.
It caused me much anxiety and depression; which I am still dealing with pharmaceutically.
I found myself to be anything but a success at the tine but looking back I was a success. It was the higher powers that be, the board of directors on up to the CEO that failed. They focused on the dollar rather than what the founder; J Edgar Helms desired. Offering a hand up rather than a hand out.
Though I have not been able to work since April 2009 due to depression.
I recall still having keys a week later; going into the thrift store; leaning on a wall and slumping to the floor in tears.
I remember every volunteer that myself and my staff mentored. I still see many of them who still thank me.
That defines my success.
Helping others but not forgetting about yourself and never your moral compass.
Though I am on limited income I still find ways to help.
I volunteer with my local AIDS committee and local food bank. I make hand beaded jewelry from donated broken jewelry and try selling it to donate funds to the local AIDS committee and a few other charities.
Luckily I have been invited to two local events later in May and June.
I am open about my depression and have written much about it and public speaks on it.
People define me as anything but a success because I rent an apartment in a seedy part of Cambridge. I am on Ontario works and waiting on decision from Ontario disability.
I am a success in more ways than I am a failure.
Thank you so much for redefining success. I still make mistakes but really; would we learn anything if we didn’t.

Joe Lethbridge
Cambridge Ontario
May 4 2013
Ps I have my spa appointment booked

I'm Not Here

I'm not here tonight just to share Christmas Eve with you
I'm not her just to share a night in your bed
I am here to share both with you

I love you more ; and after not living under the same roof or sharing a bed I only realize that more
I'm not here to wake up in the morning just to open gifts
I am here because I miss you and love you more than my own comprehension of love
I want your bed to once again be our bed
I want once again fro your ratty Christmas tree to be our Christmas tree
I want your apartment to be ours
I want my heart to belong to you
And yours to belong to me
We are not perfect
No one is
But I am perfectly in love with you

Help me bring Codys Story to more people -vote here

Wrap it Up

2^nd Annual World AIDS Week Wrap Up Party-2012

ACCKWA (the AIDS Committee of Cambridge,Kitchener,Waterloo & Area) is excited and proud to announce that we are celebrating our 25^th anniversary.  A lot has changed over the past 25 years; however we still have a long way to go.  This event is an important means to raise awareness about HIV/AIDS in Waterloo Region.  ACCKWA responds to the changing needs of the community and individuals infected,affected and at risk of HIV?AIDS through education,prevention,advocacy and support programs and services.

Last year our first annula “Wrap up Party”,  through the means of a silent and live auction raised $1,000.00, thanks to the generous support of artists,businesses, and individuals through their donations.

We are asking you to be a part of this event and we will promote your contribution by recognizing your business on our website.  Any donation you wish to make will be greatly appreciated.

We also encourage you to provide us with contact information and an invoice for donated items as we are able to provide you with a charitable tax receipt for donations of $20.00

Thank you so much for your time.  If you have any questions please feel free to contact Chris White at ACCKWA 519-570-3687 ext. 312 or gmsh@acckwa.com

To arrange a pickup please contact me at 519-267-0945. or joelethbridge2@yahoo.ca 
 Thank You in advance. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Joe Lethbridge

Funds Development Volunteer