Thursday, January 8, 2015

a one-man one-night only show

I see a lot of empty seats out there tonight . Likely will for the run of this show. Lucky for maybe you, it is just a one night only event. I will try not to keep you long . Outside food and beverages are welcome as there will be no intermission and no set changes . I want ...no I need your undivided attention for this . It is a one night only event , so I only have this one night to get some things off my chest. If it doesn't have that brit com ribald humour vibe to it or sexual innuendo, people tend to steer clear of it . Unless it has a disclaimer..or that may contain scenes of violence,nudity or sexuality, blared before the show, many don't want to see it . Tonight will have a few what if moments. If you feel like answering, you are more than welcome to stand or remain seated and yell out the answers. There may be hypothetical situations arise. When I put this idea of a one man, one night only show, admittedly hastily together, some hastily decided I would never see it through due to anxiety and depression . "Mental illness " strung on me like a neon light on the Vegas Strip. Maybe one of you in the audience is looking at me thinking , while I do this; " he seems okay! He doesn't seem to mind being around a crowd" It can be a lot about perception . It can be what we see or are bombarded with and believe to be . If, at the beginning of this evening, I told you that I have mental illness or anxiety and depression,what would you think ? Would you think of me differently ? Would the term " mental illness" resonate with you differently than saying anxiety and depression ? What if I said, the person sitting directly next to you was HIV positive ? But, what if I said that lingering cold you have been fighting is more of a risk to that person,than yourself ? What if I told you that when I publicly wrote and spoke about my mental health issues , I had people leave my life . Some used the words " I can't deal with that shit" and others said nothing, either not knowing what to say, or not wanting to say . That is part of stigma. We don't know about something so we tend to fear it . HIV positive holds that stigma too. The sad thing with stigma can be two fold . It can emotionally harm those with HIV . Those not wanting to educate themselves often do not get it , meaning the understanding of things . Some just don't want to get it , again, meaning the understanding . Sadly, it can be those who "just don't get it " who sometimes get it, meaning HIV . Education is a great tool if you use it . It can't sit idly in a brochure with no eyes looking at it or the mind taking it all in . I could could toss numbers out there . Statistics. I don't want to talk about people as a statistic. I don't want to refer to a man,woman or child as 1 of how many or 1 of a certain percent . Because really ..if you don't care about whatever issue it is , more than likely you won't care about statistics . I know many people have their own personal issues in society . If one of you were to tell me a family member or friend had a dread disease and I were to say something along the lines of "I don't give a shit. I don't know that person . It ain't nothing to me" , you would likely think I was an uncaring cold hearted bastard" The thing with HIV is still some don't care . Some still assume it is a gay disease from having unprotected and promiscuous sex . I know people who have had an HIV test turn out negative, yet rather say they tested negative, they say "I am clean" . A person who is HIV positive is not dirty. We must be careful in the words we choose. Words can be weapons or words can provide comfort . ........... Another issue that weighs heavy on my heart is homelessness. I have met some good friends who live on the streets . Sometimes they move from town to town. Some manage to find room in shelters but when the duration of the emergency stay runs out they stay outdoors or move on . Some I didn't know had moved on until I got a message on facebook saying " I am in Calgary " or " i'm in Toronto " While again there are pre-concieved ideas about homeless, they are not true in all cases . Again. I won't throw statistics at you . Some do have mental issues or substance use issues. Some have both . Others, feel it is the only options. Some don't utilize shelters or foodbanks . All do not beg for money . The ones I do know that will use loose change for coffee do . They don't continually ask either. The majority are polite . What I take issue with is some of the shopkeepers who say by conversing with the homeless in front of their shops is only inviting them back . Excuse me . But no overpriced boutique owner is going to tell me who I can talk to. I am often tempted to bring a friend along to that shop or others and see if my money is still good there . My heart goes out to them more in the winter months . While warming stations are available its almost a moot point to me. Most are open set hours . Cold temperatures and driving,blinding snow don't have a timetable. Homelessness is not a simple matter of not having a home. It needs to be looked at as a health issue. While I have no statistics for Canada.. an average of 5% of homeless in America are HIV positive . That number is only known cases . We need to prioritize. Personally , mine is not refurbishing a building that was left to fall away by the city or streamlined busses or trains . ...