The water's cold now. So much so that I can't take off my shoes and socks and put my feet into the water. The leaves have changed colour and are dropping steadily from the trees . The dock I am sitting on; made of two by four lumber is cold to sit on .
In the summertime we came here wearing shorts . We took off our shirts ; balled them up and propped them under our heads as pillows. We stgayed there for hours on end; either until it rained on us or the beating sun on us took its toll. We would sit there eating or sundaes or Blizzards from Dairy Queen; never eating then quite fast enough . We' end up having to dip our arms into the river to rinse away the melted ice cream .
It's starting to rain now but yet I remain sitting still; raindrops smudging the words I am writing down. It wasn't that long ago I would write and have stinging tears drop from both my eyes and smudge the words I wrote.
It wasn't that long ago when you gave me the last hug I would get from you . It came out of the blue . I was usually the one to offer a hug first . I knew what was coming.
"I love you Joe ; I want to love you but I can't " Most days I am not comfortable with who I am . I knew what he meant . We had both heard comments from the "peanut gallery "
We stood there hugging while he explained " I can't deal with what people are saying Joe "
My eyes were building up tears . As much as I could try to hold them back ; I couldn't . There were stood locked in an embrace . The more tears I shed ; the tighter he hugged me and pulled me closer . We both knew what we meant to each other. We couldn't do anything about what others read into it. We were each others support. No one asked why we were as close as we were. Even if I said why; there would be people who would chose to believe what they think.
The rain is falling heavier now ; so I am heading home.
I open the door to my apartment and check my cell phone for messages . When I go out to wander and just sit and think and write ; I leave my phone at home . I don't want a phone call to disturb me . I know there are people who worry about me ; some too much so but that's okay ; but sometimes I have to go and be on my own .
2 NEW MESSAGES is falshing on my cell phone .
I check them .
"Don't think I don't still think about you Joe -I do " MESSAGE 1
"I miss you like a fat kid loves cake " MESSAGE 2
I knew it was him . Even though we don't see each other face to face ; or just being lazy sitting by the river ; or we ended that day with a huge bear hug and buckets of tears from both sides - it wasn't over .
I know we are both here for each other . I said it before . As much as I would love to see him ; love is measured by the distance between two hearts-not miles .
Okay - I have to respond to my message from him .
REPLY : "I still think about you too and love you ."
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