Today I walked with no destination in mind. I do this a lot. I just grab my mp3 player full of songs and go. It kind of blocks out the external noise and helps to calm the seemingly neverending thoughts in my head. I took a walk down by the Grand River and sat on a bench and soaked up the sun. Then I walked to an old stone cottage which is now a horticultural centre. I walked the pavestone walkway and caught glimpse of some newly sprouting flowers. I had to stop and take pictures ;and think. If this little flower can survive underground all winter while feet of snow sit on top and survive that harsh surroundings ;then I should be able to get past my own turmoils.
My harsh surroundings are not mounds of snow ; rather they are people who have doubt in me or try to squash any or all hopes or dreams I have . I confess to be living with Peter Pan syndrome at times; wanting to have fun ;but never at my own expense or others . I have a heart that helps but also that hurts . I am a giver rather than a taker. People seemingly welcome my advice and say “Thank You” when it helps but it is always difficult to take my own. I have never put myself before others and that will never change . I listen to a song called “ I wanna grow old with you “ by Westlife which is how I wish my life were. Two weeks ago my career ended; today I came back to my apartment ;only to find out that my building is up for sale and I will need to look for a new place to live. Memories are in the mind but I find it difficult to come to the realization that my job is gone and my apartment; both places where those memories were made are soon to be gone.
That little flower nudging through the soil gave me hope . When I doubt my life will get any better ; I will look at that little flower and think of what it went through to come into this world.
I usually write my thoughts down rather than confide in anyone and that is because I don’t want to be a burden to anyone. I just want to be me ;allowed to have my down times and be the “ dancing ball of energy” or “goofball Joee” but I want and need people to be there for me; like I am for them . That should be how friendship works
No comments:
Post a Comment